Panic Attack

Here is a little known fact about me ... or at least I think I keep this well hidden. I am terrified of public speaking. In fact, I am terrified for attention to be on me. When I am asked to pray, when I am asked to share in a meeting, and ESPECIALLY when I am asked to speak in front of people even if it's over the phone or video chat as it is these days, there is a moment where my heart beat pauses and I lose my breath. I feel like I'm starting to sweat and just stepped out of a bounce house. It is NOT pleasant. The irony is that God is always placing me where I have to speak out and pray out loud.

Not long ago I had been working on a project for my work that I knew like the back of my hand. Actually, I never pay attention to the back of my hand so I'll say that I knew like my children's faces. I was asked to present my project at a meeting where multiple people were in attendance, many that I didn't know. I thought I was okay as the meeting started and they were going over the agenda and then they began to introduce me. By this point, my heart beat was pounding so hard I thought it was going to literally pop out of my chest. I thought, "If you open your mouth and words don't come out, if you freeze....what is plan B? You need this job. Can you make up an excuse like you got sick suddenly?" And then I heard, "And I'm going to turn it over to Jennifer." Silence.

Rewind about 15 minutes. Before the meeting I knew my fear would rear it's ugly head so I wrote down scriptures and pinned them on the wall in front of me. I paced my office (my bedroom) and prayed out loud, "I am fearfully and wonderfully made! Lord give me peace that surpasses my understanding. You have called me by name. Not for my glory but for Your glory." You see....God make me intentionally just the way I am. I am not the person that jumps in front of a crowd. But I have the Living God in me and that makes me qualified for anything He tells me I should do, even speaking in this meeting and knocking this presentation out of the park. Because God doesn't do anything half-way.

The silence when they called my name in that meeting only lasted a moment before God's perfect peace rested on me and He gave me strength to give one of my best presentations to this day.

Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians 12:9, "But he said to me, My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

Many times God calls us to go into places where we don't feel qualified or even comfortable, but if we show up, His blessing will be on us. He will give us the peace, the strength, the boldness, and the courage to complete the journey he had set before us. When we are completely dependent on him, in our weakness, his power can come to fullness within us. I'm sure you've heard it before but I'll say it again....God doesn't call the qualified, he qualifies the called.