In the stillness

Early this week, I found myself in a place of chaos... in my mind. Sometimes I get so caught up in the "busyness" of life and I feel so far from the place of peace that God desires for me to dwell in. Every responsibility, every undone item on my to do list, every worry and question about my future whether tomorrow or 10 years from now, navigates through my mind like Pac-Man in his frantic efforts to escape the constant pursuit of those ghosts.

Our leader would guide us through an exercise to encounter Jesus. I was so grateful to be at a night of worship and I responded to her request to close my eyes and sit just a moment in the quiet…except it wasn’t…at least in my busy brain. Desperately needing this time in this space… I took every thought captive. With every exhale, the volume level of my thoughts dialed down and I began to focus on Jesus with my eyes still closed.

I imagined myself on the beach early in the morning sitting in the sand on the beach with my knees pulled up to my chest. My eyes lifted from having my head tucked into my knees and saw Jesus walking towards me from the water. This was the way I imagined he would approach me. He saw me and for a moment I wondered if I should stand up to greet him, but I was so heavy and burdened that I couldn’t stand. He knew it, and he smiled as he stooped down to meet my gaze and then sit next to me, knees pulled to his chest to mirror my posture. “I’m tired,” I said without words…he could read my thoughts. He knew. I waited for his response.

Stop. He didn’t speak to me audibly but I understood him. Whether it was in his eyes or he planted the word in my mind, it was so clear. Stop. It felt urgent. Release. Another word. He wanted to carry everything but I had to give it to him and stop trying to carry it alone. I laid my head on his shoulder and we gazed out into the ocean.

Without a single word spoken, only the sound of the waves and the warm embrace of my Savior, Jesus had lifted from me every worry and every battle I was trying to fight alone.

“Be still and know (recognize, understand) that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations! I will be exalted in the earth.” ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭46‬:‭10‬ ‭AMP‬‬