Exposed

With everything in my being, I try to walk through life leaning on the only one who can hold me up, my Jesus. He is my hope. But my mind cannot always grasp why I must endure certain pain and experiences nor how I have somehow overcome what I have, or even why my load is so heavy at times. My testimony is that I haven't lost my mind yet - LOL!

Sunday I felt completely beat up and like ready to crawl back into bed. I couldn't stop crying for more than 30 minutes at time. I did all the things....called my friends and family, asked for prayer, rested.... then finally walked outside for just a moment and looked up at the sky. There were just a few clouds but otherwise you could see the stars and all the beauty and I heard this small whisper in my soul, "I see you."

Instantly I am crying again but from relief and hope. Hope of a better day, and assurance that God is my defender and his promises hold true.

I think of the woman at the well who was likely feeling like she couldn't bear the weight of her problems. She knew of the promise of the Messiah but she may have been discouraged in that period of waiting. This particular part of the scripture spoke to me.

John 4:16 - Jesus said, "Go get your husband and bring him back here." "But I'm not married," the woman answered. "That's true," Jesus said, "for you've been married five times, and now you're living with a man who is not your husband. You have told the truth."

I have always stated that I believe the motive of Jesus calling this out came from a place of love and gentleness to show her that he SAW her where she was and not to condemn. It makes me sad when I hear this scripture used to condemn others. We don't know the circumstances or the pain that she had endured in her life and Jesus chose her to reveal himself as the Messiah and speak life and hope into her. Often we make assumptions about people based on limited information but God sees our hearts and we are completely exposed, yet His love for us doesn't change. Being exposed is scary but carrying it alone is heavy. When I looked up at the sky Sunday night, for a moment I could feel the relief that perhaps she may have felt in that moment where He saw me right where I was and his love was big enough to engulf me and breathe fresh life into my broken heart.