Dear Yesterday

It's interesting that as busy as my life is, I sometimes feel lonely in the midst of the chaos. This morning, the feeling hit as I sat down to read my devotion. Weekend mornings are my bliss! I love the quiet in the house while everyone is sleeping. I sit with a cup of coffee and pretend that my life is not chaotic as I pull out my journal and pen, knowing that in less than an hour...it all starts over.

But this morning, particularly, my mind drifted. I wonder if anyone relates....

My life is pretty routine. It's interesting as I once told my daughter that I stay positive by getting hyped up about one event to the next. Let's say I know my dad is visiting....I start the count down and it feels like everything in between is leading up to it. But to take it a step further, my mind drifts to what is my purpose? What if when my heart longs for more? When my life isn't everything that I expected it to be at this moment in time, and I look out into the future and want to see this grand event happening, but I just see a blur.....it brings a feeling of emptiness and fear. I don't know that I can even capture how this feels in words.

So this morning as I'm starting to let that feeling simmer, I am reminded of a scripture in Psalms 16:11.

"You will show me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; In Your right hand there are pleasures forevermore."

Real joy is in the present. It's having faith that though tomorrow is unknown, we can have joy in the moment. I see those Tic Toks that people speak to their younger self and really this isn't much different. If I could tell myself yesterday that today would be a new day. If I could tell myself 2 years ago, you're going to get through this. If I could tell myself 5 years ago that I would be stronger. If I could tell myself 10 years ago that you're not a failure. I want to have joy in the present. I want to live for today!